Archive for the Travelog Category

Day 300: YERT Mama leaving to make her nest…

Yesterday while we were driving around in the car, Ben announced, “Day 300!”

Day 300. Man. When we started this trip, I wasn’t even sure that I would make it past Day 30. The idea of driving non-stop around the country with 2 dudes for a year (one of them my husband), with no home and one pair of shoes apiece (ok i also had flip flops, but they take up almost no room), interviewing strangers to see how America fares in the new and improved effort to live sustainably in a basically disposable culture…well, it seemed a gargantuan task, to say the least. I really had no idea what to expect. One of my brothers believed I would NOT make it, and was surprised every time I called him from the road. Well-meaning friends assured me many times that they would not think less of me if I left the trip before its end. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. And the only reason I’m leaving now is because I have a new mission: motherhood.

It hasn’t always been easy, with 3 of us tightly packed into our little Ford Escape Hybrid, juggling schedules, roadmaps, phone calls, emails, our psycho 10-CD factory-installed Navigational system, not to mention differing ideas about who & what should not be missed in any given state. We have different personalities, we three. Different preferences, patience levels, tolerances, judgments, thoughts about how things should be done, levels of perfectionism, ways of communicating…We haven’t always seen eye to eye. But I will say that this has provided us a pretty cool opportunity to learn how to navigate our own personal roadmaps…

I think we’ve shared from the beginning a sort of blind trust that humanity is basically good and that, given the chance, (the knowledge, the awareness of HOW to change, and what is out there) people will begin to do the right thing, and our children and grandchildren will have the chance to know how connected we are to every living thing on this planet, and there will be something left of beauty to sustain them.

I am so inspired by Mark and Ben, still - to see them work so endlessly, and to still be so driven after 9 1/2 months of solid work. I am so inspired by the people we have met along the way and the hundreds of blogs and websites we have become acquainted with since Your Environmental Road Trip began. I can hardly keep up with it all, there is so much going on out right now in this push to be green and learn to live sustainably. What an amazing wave of waking up! I had no idea when we left how big a wave we would all be riding. In every single state without exception we have found people caring deeply, working hard, thinking creatively, and making changes that are being reflected in government and legislature and even big corporations. Greenwashing does happen, sure it does, but this trip is making me believe that it won’t hold a candle to the real movement that is washing over us, which is Truth, and which will carry us into a brighter, cleaner, healthier future if we let it.

I am leaving the Road part of YERT for the boys to finish but I will continue the journey in Louisville, preparing for a completely different set of challenges. There are many things which have been made somewhat easy on the trip but which will be harder in “real life” (ie: garbage). I am very thankful to the boys for being gentlemen to me since I’ve been pregnant. I am honored to have been part of these last 10 months, and to have now the opportunity to raise a child who will hopefully benefit from everything we’ve learned.

Here we go. Babysteps to a better way of Life. Bon Voyage, boys, be safe! We will keep the green fires burning….and be sure that the waste smoke is being used for something…

Days 289 & 290: Taking a Bite of the Big “Green” Apple - Part 1

This past week YERT headed into the Big Apple for some big-time green fun. Julie had four days of rehearsals at NYU (she absolutely LIVES for performing in their musical theater grad-student theses and we’re all for nourishing one’s soul, so Mark and I were on our own for most of the week).

We started off our time in NYC right by visiting Bob Fox, principal of Cook+Fox, an architecture firm responsible for one of the most groundbreaking environmental buildings ever - the world’s first LEED Platinum skyscraper…the Bank of America Tower at One Bryant Park near Times Square. This building is going to set the standard for skyscrapers - complete with motion-controlled, personally tailored temperature zones to maximize AC and heating efficiency and a giant block of ice made by off-peak solar electricity to help keep the building cool. Cutting edge stuff. Bob also revealed all kinds of green features of the Cook+Fox office (bamboo shelving, innovative daylighting design, Cradle to Cradle carpets, water reclamation, etc.) including a wonderful green roof with one of the best views in Manhattan.

After the interview, Bob was kind enough to “grease the skids” for us at the NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council) across the street, so we headed on over for a sit-down with the NRDC’s Air and Energy Program Director, Ashok Gupta, and one of the organization’s energy attorneys, Luis Martinez, at the NRDC’s headquarters - a building that not-coincidentally paved the way for green office buildings back in 1989. Needless to say, Mother Nature has quite the crack team of lawyers and environmental policy gurus working for her - and boy does she need it!

By 3pm, we were exhausted and hungry, so we shlepped over to Bonobo’s on 23rd and Madison Ave. It’s an awesome raw-food vegetarian joint that packs a super-nutritious punch. Best of all, they’ve always got some funky nut/date desert ball of goodness near the cash register - delicious. Luckily, the staff totally “got” the no-trash experiment and we totally got fed.

Friday we headed up to the Goddard Institute for Space Studies to speak with Dr. Cynthia Rosenzweig about the effect of climate change on crops and the world’s food supply. This was especially interesting timing given the recent headlines regarding food shortages around the globe. Cynthia said that while increased CO2 may have mixed results initially yielding short-term crop increases in some areas, the long-term prognosis is not good at all, particularly if things continue on as they are. Makes me even more resolute about learning to farm organically once this trip is done.

After her interview, Cynthia sent us over to speak with Nilda Mesa, Columbia University’s first Director of Environmental Stewardship (and knitter extraordinaire). Having not eaten all day, Mark and I were starving by this point and, going way above the call of duty, Nilda and her office bent over backwards to share with us whatever packaging-free food they had lying around - part of a “brick” of cheese, some rice snacks, a banana. Then she took us up onto her office’s green roof and, along with the very knowledgeable Cathy Resler, Manager of Recycling and Greenhouse Gas Reduction Programs, over to the main campus for the dime tour of some of the green stuff going on at Columbia including a cool program developed by a Columbia grad called RecycleBank that pays students (or anyone, really) for recycling by rewarding them with “points” that are redeemable for discounts at stores all over the city (or country). Cathy then gave us the low down on all things recyclable on campus (we even rescued a nearly fully functional camcorder from the electronics recycling bin - Cathy was determined to try to resuscitate it). Finally, we spoke with Hannah Lee (a student delegate to the climate summit in Bali who runs Columbia’s Eco-Representatives program and is one of the university’s brightest eco-stars) to get the student perspective on how the campus is going green. Things sound like they’re heading in the right direction around Columbia…and New York.

Next time NYC Part 2…

Showering with 30 friends really can be a clean “green” experience!

Yesterday, Julie and I enjoyed a wonderful baby shower thrown by our dear friends Erin, Hunter, and Phill. We were truly blown away by how low-impact the event was (way to go Erin and company!) and everyone’s creativity in creating eco-conscious gifts. Among the many wonderful gifts were a wooden chest constructed out of house repair lumber leftovers and filled with all kinds of baby hand-me-downs and used books, a gorgeous homemade quilt, a hand-knit baby blanket and soaker, all manner of used books and baby onesies, and even a spectacular live 3-part a cappella performance of a personally arranged song. It was such a loving experience made that much more personal by the extreme care and inspired creativity of every guest present. If you want a wonderful baby shower, ask the people you love to make it a “clean” and “green” one and you won’t be disappointed. Thank you to everyone involved in the celebration - we love you dearly!

Day 291: NYC: mamablog: Green showers!!

…ahhh…home. the smell of the subway, the roar of the…Nothing like setting foot on the train after being on the road smashed into a car with two boys for 9 months…actually, nothing like it at all. Amazing how fast things seem like you never left them.

Julie here, just checking in, relaying that the female(s) of Your Environmental Road Trip are still kicking and breathing. Singing, actually. Baby is getting her first glimpses of what Mama really does..and she seems to like it pretty well. Can’t blame her as, in my opinion, the vibrations that rock the walls daily of NYU’s Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program on 2nd Avenue are nothing less than delicious, to even the most tested of ears, much less tiny, developing, new ones.

A little backstory: I negotiated with the boys for this week of work, singing in NYC, before we ever left Pittsburgh back in July, and have been looking forward to it fiercely ever since. (side note* this little baby was conceived on the only day on this trip that Ben and I actually sang together, performing a musical reading for a friend in LA back in October. I’m just saying.) Not surprising that everything feels just fine.

The boys have been working their patooties off getting the new website off the ground in flying colors, chasing interviews all over Manhattan, scrambling around the city shooting b-roll, while I sit on the edge of my chair in the rehearsal room with several other singer/actors, learning music and remembering what it feels like to soar. Happy. Free. And yesterday was simply gorgeous, 70’s and breezy… I went window shopping near Union Square just to see what people are wearing these days and i had to laugh bc everything looks maternity! All girls are wearing frocks! hahaha i fit right in. Except for my shoes. :( I found a spot on a bench and watched the people for hours…

Today is going to be amazing. My dear friend, Erin Crosby, is throwing us a green baby shower! at her apartment in Brooklyn, and I am told she has gone to many lengths to make this as different as possible from the 9 months we have spent in the car with same clothes, same shoes, same equipment, same each other… We have asked that everyone bring something 2nd hand, rather than something new, NO PLASTIC, Pls! and that it be “wrapped” in something completely reusable, and she has done her best to be sure that people are thinking creatively. I can’t wait to see what people have come up with, and I am so so grateful to her for pulling this off. Plus, I can’t wait to feel like a pretty girl again. Ugggh. For literally the first time in months, I will be wearing something other than dirty sneakers.

In short, I am giddy with anticipation and thanking in advance Erin, all my friends who are meeting us today, NYU, and my YERT boys for letting me have this window where I get to remember the joy of being a girl…greenly…before I leave this tour to learn how to be a green mom. Stay tuned…we’ll let you know how it goes.

Julie showers with 30 people!

Today, Saturday April 19th, will be a momentous occasion as Julie enjoys a shower in Brooklyn with 30 of her closest friends. Baby shower, that is. And we’re trying to make it as environmentally friendly as we can - a “clean” shower. Julie’s requested no packaging of any kind on the gifts; no plastic gifts; all-natural and environmentally friendly products, materials, and ingredients; and free, homemade, or second-hand gifts whenever possible. It’s going to be an interesting time to say the least - we’ll certainly let you know what people come up with. For now, here are three interesting eco-baby shower sites I found online.

All Natural Baby

Eco Parti

Crystal Baby Organics

I sure am glad at least one of us is showering today.

And now, a poem:

When you’re loving the planet
As you grow a little “bean”
Nothing feels better
Than a shower that’s clean

peace,
Ben

Day 280: NY: spending hours in Ithaca…

Gorgeous spring day in the Fingerlakes.
All 3 of us got outside for some good morning exercise in the fresh air before heading in to Ithaca to meet with Steve Burke, President of the Board of Ithaca Hours at his cool little shop, Small World Music. Talked about some of the challenges of using local currency as well as the benefits, and why Ithaca seems to be a hotbed for forward thinking. Steve told us that people in Ithaca, besides being well-educated, generally do NOT watch TV.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

We bought some local music from Steve and even used one of our Berkshares (gorgeous local currency from Great Barrington, MA) as part payment, and then Ben, Mark & I shared some killer vegan carrotcake at ABC cafe near Cornell University…bought partially with Ithaca hours…

(Berkshares are very different in their application than are Ithaca Hours. More information on local currencies can be found at the EF Schumacher website. Seems to be still a ways away from becoming mainstream but as the dollar continues to decline, local currencies are an interesting option for keeping communities thriving…) Thoughts?

Day 279: babymama in training, checking in from upstate NY…

Girl is getting tired! Whoo doggy. Pregnancy brain has taken over and I don’t concentrate on anything besides baby names, birthing options, and breastfeeding … kind of funny bc I’m not really to a point to do any of those things yet … and as I am daily getting bigger and bigger… watching my belly burgeoning and counting the days before I can get out of the car, i remember that i am supposed to be blogging about the trip and researching something other than how many kicks are supposed to be felt every hour…

I missed most of DC cause I was in Louisville drinking sweet goo for the prenatal check for getstational diabetes. Highlights were that American Airlines waylaid my luggage (it showed up the next day at Mom’s) and that the nurses forgot me in the waiting area and I had to come back the next day and drink the sticky stuff a second time right before getting on the plane back to DC. Anyway, the only pics I have are of Ben and I on the National Mall on our last day before heading North.

So - today was a day of making phone calls and sending emails, for things in upstate NY and also NYC. No bites yet, but very excited to get an email back from Robin Nagle (an anthropology professor at NYU who has really done some interesting study of garbage in the Big Apple). Unfortunately, it looks like our paths will not cross this time through NYC…Perhaps we will find her again on this journey? Majora Carter also looks to be out of town for the week we are in NYC, and other people we’ve contacted have yet to respond, so we may have to reassess our options. We’ll probably try to get to Ithaca tomorrow and see what we can see, regardless of who calls us back from there. Fingers crossed.

Right now Ben is still working on graphics, Mark has gone to bed and I am still feeling happy for the Kansas Jayhawks’ NCAA victory over Memphis, and super grateful for this tiny kiddo brewing away in-belly…

Back to Days 197-199: Wild Wild Wind in Texas…

Hallo,
remember back in January when we were traipsing through the Southern states to avoid winter’s sting? Well, some of those states got the shaft in the blogging department, and the biggest state in the Union was hit hardest. Here we’ll catch up on what YERT found a little further West - in Roscoe/Sweetwater, Texas.

We spent some time with David Etheredge and his Dad, retired cotton farmer Cliff Etheredge, on Cliff’s farm. Cliff saw wind turbines going up on the hills of Sweetwater and thought, why not on the flat farms of Roscoe? There’s plenty of wind… He traveled to NYC and talked to some people until he got a bite with the people at Airtricity, who came, surveyed the land, and have since installed hundreds of turbines providing power to thousands of West Texas homes.

It may seem unlikely for a state that has historically been our nation’s biggest oil producer to be courting wind, but this is real, and it is really exciting. What’s blowing in West Texas is a healthy interest in wind energy that benefits both the farmer and the environment. The windcoalition website states that, now, “Texas leads the Western Hemisphere in wind energy production, generating enough to power nearly 600,000 homes. This summer, the state surpassed California to become the largest producer of wind energy in the nation.”

We rolled into the Sweetwater, TX convention center late Tuesday to meet Mayor Greg Wortham at the local 4H show. Lambs, rabbits, and chickens were being judged - and kids of all sizes were muscling their critters into acceptable stances of presentation for show. Here we had the really cool opportunity to talk to several farmers whose lives have changed dramatically…thanks to the power of wind. Apparently, there is an epidemic of “dying” towns all over the Mid- and Southwest. Farming has not gotten any easier for those trying to make a living independent of large scale industry. Although wind is an intermittent source of energy, having the turbines gives farmers two things to depend on for cash instead of just their crop. With wind turbines on their farms, farmers have doubled their possible income, and found security they’ve never experienced before.

Wouldn’t it be great to see this trend continue all over the country?

Days 267-270: Virginia! William McDonough Architects and Polyface and Blenheim Farms

What a terrific couple of days in Virginia! Holy cows!
We stopped by William McDonough & Partners in downtown Charlottesville, where Kira Gould showed us the creative building rooms and concepts for commissions all over the world, and architect Kevin Burke, Director of Practice, described how architecture is changing to reflect sustainability and how McDonough’s vision of imitating natural systems is put into practice by the partners in the firm. (For those unfamiliar, William McDonough co-authored an amazing book called Cradle to Cradle with German chemist, Michael Braungart, which rethinks design so that “waste” is understood for what it is - an inefficiency, a flaw in the system. This book joins about 20 others that we consider to be the most important environmental reads of our time, and which make up our traveling YERT library. It’s exactly the kind of thing that innovative and industrial Americans can sink their teeth into, and it’s FUN. I HIGHLY recommend it.

Another book the YERT team can’t speak highly enough of is Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma…though here’s where I admit to being the sole YERT traveler who has not yet put the e-book into my headphones thing… Still, that didn’t take away from my enjoying our wonderful visit with farmer Joel Salatin of Polyface Farms. I loved it.

We left our little nest at the Comfort Inn in Charlottesville for Swoope, VA, early in the morning, hoping that the full grey skies would hold off letting loose for the afternoon. After driving an hour through beautiful rolling hills and countryside, we came to a great patch of green pasture with russet-colored chickens running all over it, and some little wagons. This had to be it.

Joel’s wife, Theresa, came out to meet us, shook hands and told us that Joel was up with the pigs and would be down shortly, Why didn’t we make ourselves familiar with the chickens in the yard while we waited? We dodged the electric fence and Ben and Mark filmed b-roll of the perky birds until Joel showed up to make proper introductions to “the ladies.” He showed the boys how to catch a hen and hold her with just one hand, showed the nests and eggs in the “eggmobiles.” I had fun filming Mark with the little camera chasing after chickens and getting smeared with chicken poop. Ben helped Joel empty buckets of grain into the little shelters, and we watched Joel pull one unlucky hen from a completely stuck position between the slats…and the rain held off…

There is plenty on the Polyface website to describe what Joel is doing but my take was this: Like Cradle to Cradle, Joel uses the animals and natural systems in the most common sense way possible - a closed loop of resource, rebirth and healing for the earth and her critters…

His cattle graze on pasture, mowing the grass (to a manageable length for poultry) while adding their own manure as compost. Then they are moved on to new grass and the eggmobiles are brought in so the chickens can “sanitize” the cowpies, eating the fly larvae and adding their own droppings to the fertility of the soil.

Then Joel showed us the pigerator. In the winter, a layer of corn is laid down in the dry barn where the cows are kept, and hay is constantly layered thick for bedding, keeping them dry and clean, until by Spring the floor under the cows’ hooves is several feet high. When the cows are let out in warm weather to pasture, the pigs are brought in from the forest (where they have been foraging acorns, among many other delectable things). What results is Hog Heaven! The pigs spend a joyful month rooting around this seemingly endless pile of cow manure and rotting hay for the fermenting corn beneath, turning and aerating the layers into the best compost (really good dirt) you ever saw. And it didn’t smell like pigs, or at least not the pungent stench I remember sharply accosting the nostrils from pig farms in KY and Indiana back when I was growing up. It mostly just smelled like dirt! (People who tune in to YERT will eventually see some pretty fine footage of Ben trying to help the pigs do their job and of Mark accidentally riding one.) Though Mark and Ben got right in there with Joel and the porkers, I still had trouble getting past the fact that they were wallowing in ****, so I pretty much kept my interaction on the level of…conversation, from outside the pen. The animals seemed to really like Joel, coming to him for scratches and pets, and running between his legs. I asked Joel if he ever felt bad/sad taking a pig to market, and he said, “No way. Each one’s got a $500 price tag!” And that is how a farmer makes his living. I sort of rolled that around my brain as one of the bigger pigs came over for my side of the fence for a scratch with the stick I was holding…and then it started to rain…

We left Polyface Farm with a dozen gorgeous eggs, 3 wonderful books which Joel authored (Thank you, Joel!) (he has several), and many new thoughts about pigerators and eggmobiles to take with us on our travels, as well as Joel’s suggestion to visit one of the restaurants which sells Polyface meat. Ben called Angelo Vangelopoulos, the owner of Ivy Inn in Charlottesville, who set up a tasting for us! All I can say is The food was AMAZING. All 3 of us agreed that it was one of our very best meals of the entire trip. Polyface wasn’t the only local organic food on the menu; there were several farms’ fares. But Joel’s pigs were delectable. Mark swore he could taste the trees. And the creme brulee, made with Joel’s ladies’ eggs, was delicious. Mark said it rivaled what he’s eaten in France, and Ben ate the 2nd half of mine. I thought it delicious and I don’t even like creme brulee!

The next day we returned to record Angelo’s thoughts about the challenges of running a small restaurant with organic local food within the guidelines of the FDA, while supporting small farmers. He let us know right away that it isn’t easy but to him there is no other way. Our tummies were rewarded, as is Joel’s livelihood. Before we left, we asked him where he goes when he is looking for something fast, good and not too expensive. He answered with our favorite fast food joint on YERT: Chipotle’s. Already we had come to love and appreciate the hormone-and-antibiotic-free meat, but when we got to the counter of the Chipotle’s just out of town, we couldn’t believe our eyes - they were making burritos with meat from Polyface! Quite thrilling, not to mention outrageously good.

Our last scheduled interview was at Blenheim Farm, on our way to Washington DC. Family-owned and operated by Lawrence & Becky Latane (prounounced “latnee”) and their three 20-something kids on a permanent conservation easement, Blenheim Organic Gardens is part of a larger 400 acre preserve. It began as an organic vegetable garden that expanded as needs and opportunities arose to a fully operating certified organic CSA, with presence at farmers markets.

We spilled out of the car and were greeted by the most gregarious of the family dogs, Gus (who stole much of the film footage, I warn you now, and you will see why at at later date.) I’m terribly sad that I haven’t any photos to show of this lovely family and their fantastic little farm - I started getting a migraine right when I got there, so I couldn’t really see for most of the time we were with them, and then I was off my game! UGH. I was whisked inside and given coffee while the youngest, daughter Sage, passed around homemade lemon squares and then made me eat raw potatoes (she heard they help headaches - Thank you, ladies).

Outside, the boys interviewed Lawrence, and let Becky, Sage, and son, Cameron, say what they love about organic farming. Becky Latane plucked me the sweetest spinach I have ever tasted. EVER. I have never thought of spinach as sweet. She thinks it’s the dirt. Maybe it is. Or maybe its the love. Or maybe I am pregnant and gushy. I am thrilled every time we run into people who are making good things with the earth, every time we encounter respect and harmony.

From Joel’s respect for the pigness of the pig, to Angelo’s regard for real food’s making people happy, to fast food chains willing to take a chance on healthy local meat, to the Latanes’ love for the earth and producing with it, I felt renewed. I feel full of superlatives but that was Virginia for me, and they all made it - wonderful. And baby gets no pesticides!!!

Bush Administration Pursues New Revolutionary Home-grown Alternative Auto Fuel…

Today in DC we had the rare privilege of sitting down with Ilene Tuderyte, one of President Bush’s senior energy policy advisers, to discuss the nation’s energy future and whether President Bush is still even able to affect US environmental policy this late in his second term. We were surprised and encouraged to find that what we thought was a lame-duck presidency, still has a bold vision of what is possible, and Bush recently appears truly to have turned a corner in his environmental and energy positions. Ms. Tuderyte assured us that the president has a very strong desire to help the country wean itself off of foreign oil - and oil altogether, for that matter. Kudos to him. When we pressed her for specific initiatives, she unveiled one of the most groundbreaking ideas we’ve heard all year.

The following are excerpts from an internal Department Of Energy memorandum she shared with us:

“As a nation, we are seeing increasing rates of obesity across all age groups. Nearly 65% of all Americans are now considered obese - a 50% rise in obesity in the last 30 years - and the rate of childhood obesity is rising three times a fast as it is for adults. When it comes to body fat - the U.S. is the world leader. This incredible surplus of cellulite stored in the bodies of our citizens represents one of the most underutilized natural resources we have - a truly renewable energy source that is INCREASING at nearly 3% annually. Oil prices have recently eclipsed $110 dollars/barrel and will likely surpass $170 dollars/barrel by the end of 2008. As the world’s largest consumer of petroleum, we will soon be facing a shortage in our oil supply while enjoying a record surplus of cellulite - our most plentiful home-grown bio-fuel resource. In the next two weeks, we will be making recommendations to Congress to legislate strong financial incentives for domestic auto manufacturers to increase basic research into the development of a cellulite-powered car engine capable of a minimum of 35 miles per pound of human body fat.

With a sharp increase in the number of elective liposuction procedures during recent years, the future of American body fat as an alternative fuel is indeed strong. On a per capita basis, the average American is 58.3 pounds over weight. With 302 million people in the U.S. this translates to nearly 17.6 billion pounds of excess fat. With current national stores of excess body fat at 17.6 billion pounds and projected to rise to 20 billion by 2010, assuming an average fuel economy of 35 miles per pound, human cellulite has the potential to meet all of our national automotive fuel needs by the end of the decade. Several preliminary joint studies conducted by GM and several liposuction labs in Los Angeles and Miami confirm that efficiencies as high as 40 miles per pound are theoretically possible with more energy dense fat from the buttocks and thighs, while belly and underarm fat yield between 23-31 miles per pound, depending on the individual’s diet. An additional fuel efficiency benefit may come from a decrease in mean passenger weight as individuals’ fat is increasingly used to power their cars. However, it should be noted that this may happen at the expense of domestic fat supplies, in which case restrictions will be required and a national fast food subsidy program may need to be implemented to maintain sufficient national fat supplies.

Given that effective public relations management of this unorthodox proposal is essential during the coming months, the DOE will be working closely with American car manufacturers on initial product marketing and positioning. Several preliminary campaigns are:

“Having trouble burning off those extra pounds…FORD’s here to help. The new FORD Fatster.”

“A Lean, Mean, Lard-Driving Machine…the 2009 Chevy Cellulite.”

“Dodge Dimple - Now you can ride on the most durable spare tire of all…yours.”

“Drive your way to thin with a Lincoln Lipid SX.”

“Not a car, not a truck, not an SUV - It’s a Blubber. The Blubber B3 - a vehicle as big as you are.”

“People used to call me Porky, now they call me an environmentalist. - Come check out the all new 6-cylinder Mazda Muffintop.”

“Get it off your butt and into your car - Fat makes America run.”

In short, we believe that a strong national energy policy begins and ends with a triple cheeseburger, milkshake, and side of extra large fries - it’s time we recognized our national obesity “problem” for the energy independence answer it is. And it’s time we replaced high prices at the pump, with live humans hooked up to the pump. We have the need, we have the supply, and we have the technology - liposuction/filling station hybridization. It’s time to get off of oil - and onto cellulite. Time to declare our energy independence. America’s Energy Future Is Fat and Free.”

Oh, and…
HAPPY APRIL FOSSIL FOOLS’ DAY!